Quote

I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Asked
Late
Hours
Lasts
Last
Downstairs
Doesn
Boss
Two
Fell
Take
Hated

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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