Quote

I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Doesn
Boss
Two
Fell
Take
Hated
Asked
Late
Hours
Lasts
Last
Downstairs

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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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