Quote

The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

Johnny Carson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Closest
Cat
National
Singing
Thing
Barr
Neutered
Anthem

More quotes by Johnny Carson

Image
Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
Image
Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
Image
Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
Johnny Carson
Image
Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Johnny Carson
Image
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
Johnny Carson
Image
Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
Image
Only lie about the future.
Johnny Carson
Image
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
Image
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
Image
I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
Johnny Carson
Image
I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
Johnny Carson
Image
Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
Johnny Carson
Image
Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
Johnny Carson
Image
He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
Johnny Carson
Image
As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
Johnny Carson
Image
Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
Johnny Carson
Image
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
Image
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Johnny Carson
Image
I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
Johnny Carson