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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Cultural
Advantage
Without
Kind
Like
Newark
Pittsburgh
Advantages

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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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