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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Advantages
Cultural
Advantage
Without
Kind
Like
Newark
Pittsburgh
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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