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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Cultural
Advantage
Without
Kind
Like
Newark
Pittsburgh
Advantages

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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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