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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
People
Programming
Islands
Watches
Watch
Quality
Asks
Hypocrites
Tell
Hypocrite
Better
Island
More quotes by Johnny Carson
What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Johnny Carson
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
Johnny Carson
We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
Johnny Carson
I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
Johnny Carson
The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
Johnny Carson
