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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
House
Money
Impress
People
Afford
Buying
Dead
Democracy
Bigs
Wish

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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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