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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
People
Afford
Buying
Dead
Democracy
Bigs
Wish
House
Money
Impress
More quotes by Johnny Carson
The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
Johnny Carson
