Quote

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Asks
Stills
Still
Never
Pimp
Hears
Wife

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Only lie about the future.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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