Quote

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Johnny Carson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Never
Pimp
Hears
Wife
Asks
Stills
Still

More quotes by Johnny Carson

Image
I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson
Image
What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
Johnny Carson
Image
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Johnny Carson
Image
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
Image
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
Image
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Johnny Carson
Image
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
Image
I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
Johnny Carson
Image
George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
Johnny Carson
Image
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
Image
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
Image
Only lie about the future.
Johnny Carson
Image
I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
Johnny Carson
Image
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
Image
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
Johnny Carson
Image
When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
Image
I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
Johnny Carson
Image
I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
Johnny Carson