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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Make
Commentator
People
Entertainer
Commentators
Entertainers
Comedian
Laugh
Laughing
Jobs

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
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Only lie about the future.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
Johnny Carson