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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
People
Entertainer
Commentators
Entertainers
Comedian
Laugh
Laughing
Jobs
Make
Commentator

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
Johnny Carson
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
Johnny Carson
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
Johnny Carson
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
Johnny Carson
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
Johnny Carson
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson