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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Jobs
Make
Commentator
People
Entertainer
Commentators
Entertainers
Comedian
Laugh
Laughing

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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