Quote

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Waiting
Guy
President
Around
Young
Keel
Feels
Empathize
Like
George
Bush

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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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