Quote

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Like
George
Bush
Waiting
Guy
President
Around
Young
Keel
Feels
Empathize

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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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