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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Young
Keel
Feels
Empathize
Like
George
Bush
Waiting
Guy
President
Around

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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