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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Something
Lands
People
Onto
Welcome
Usually
Hold
Blower
Democracy
Welcoming
Land
Leafs
Giving
Leaf
More quotes by Johnny Carson
As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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