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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Giving
Leaf
Something
Lands
People
Onto
Welcome
Usually
Hold
Blower
Democracy
Welcoming
Land
Leafs
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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