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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
People
Onto
Welcome
Usually
Hold
Blower
Democracy
Welcoming
Land
Leafs
Giving
Leaf
Something
Lands
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
Johnny Carson
I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson