Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Giving
Leaf
Something
Lands
People
Onto
Welcome
Usually
Hold
Blower
Democracy
Welcoming
Land
Leafs
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
Johnny Carson
Only lie about the future.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
Johnny Carson
The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
Johnny Carson
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Johnny Carson
I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
Johnny Carson
Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Johnny Carson
We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
Johnny Carson
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson
I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
Johnny Carson
I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
Johnny Carson