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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Dream
Become
Really
Siding
Aluminum
Salesman
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Only lie about the future.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
Johnny Carson
