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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Siding
Aluminum
Salesman
Dream
Become
Really
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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