Quote

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Side
Hear
Lotto
Sides
Jackpot
Winning
Relatives
Good
Lightning
Statistics
According
Easier

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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