Quote

According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Winning
Relatives
Good
Lightning
Statistics
According
Easier
Side
Hear
Lotto
Sides
Jackpot

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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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