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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Easier
Side
Hear
Lotto
Sides
Jackpot
Winning
Relatives
Good
Lightning
Statistics
According
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
