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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Else
Right
Life
Private
Demand
Respect
Everybody

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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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