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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Private
Demand
Respect
Everybody
Else
Right
Life

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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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