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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Whatever
Commit
Right
Judge
Long
Performances
Think
Judging
Thinking
Except
Crimes
Crime
Professional
Level
Performance
Levels
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More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
Johnny Carson
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
Johnny Carson