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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Levels
Welcome
Whatever
Commit
Right
Judge
Long
Performances
Think
Judging
Thinking
Except
Crimes
Crime
Professional
Level
Performance
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
Johnny Carson
Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
Johnny Carson
I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
Johnny Carson
I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
Johnny Carson
We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
Johnny Carson
Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
Johnny Carson
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Johnny Carson
I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
Johnny Carson
George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
Johnny Carson
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
