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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Thinking
Except
Crimes
Crime
Professional
Level
Performance
Levels
Welcome
Whatever
Commit
Right
Judge
Long
Performances
Think
Judging

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
Johnny Carson