Quote

As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Thinking
Except
Crimes
Crime
Professional
Level
Performance
Levels
Welcome
Whatever
Commit
Right
Judge
Long
Performances
Think
Judging

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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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