Quote

I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Living
Miserable
Kids
Clean
Together
Sick
Better
Couldn
Children
Parents
Honest
Rationalization
Stand
Divorce
Parent
Staying

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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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