Quote

I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Stand
Divorce
Parent
Staying
Living
Miserable
Kids
Clean
Together
Sick
Better
Couldn
Children
Parents
Honest
Rationalization

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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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