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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Office
Wouldn
Public
Interest
Rather
Slightest
Running
Politicians
Become
Jokes
Make
Politician

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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