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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Interest
Rather
Slightest
Running
Politicians
Become
Jokes
Make
Politician
Office
Wouldn
Public

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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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Only lie about the future.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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