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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Running
Politicians
Become
Jokes
Make
Politician
Office
Wouldn
Public
Interest
Rather
Slightest

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Only lie about the future.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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