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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Public
Interest
Rather
Slightest
Running
Politicians
Become
Jokes
Make
Politician
Office
Wouldn

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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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