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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Serious
Issues
Public
Given
Classifying
Someone
Humorist
Find
Humorists
Thoughtful
Starts

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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Only lie about the future.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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