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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Freedom
Bigs
Money
Giving
Important
Thing
Really
Gives
Worry
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
Johnny Carson
