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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Freedom
Bigs
Money
Giving
Important
Thing
Gives
Really
Worry
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
Johnny Carson
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
Johnny Carson
There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
Johnny Carson
It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
