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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Feel
Pleases
Feels
Sensible
Thing
Anybody
Trying
Please
Way
Hurt
Business
Else
Live
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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Only lie about the future.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
Johnny Carson
