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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Trying
Please
Way
Hurt
Business
Else
Live
Feel
Pleases
Feels
Sensible
Thing
Anybody

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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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