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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Criticized
Whatever
Going
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
Johnny Carson
I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson
How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
Johnny Carson
When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
Johnny Carson
Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
Johnny Carson
I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
Johnny Carson
I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
Johnny Carson
Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Johnny Carson
Only lie about the future.
Johnny Carson
There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
Johnny Carson
