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Only lie about the future.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Future
Lying

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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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