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Only lie about the future.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Lying
Future

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
Johnny Carson
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
Johnny Carson
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
Johnny Carson
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
Johnny Carson
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
Johnny Carson
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
Johnny Carson
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
Johnny Carson
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
Johnny Carson
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson