Quote

They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Answers
Reproductive
Modern
Atomic
Hurt
Organs
Stop
Hockey
Stick
Sticks
Answer
Building
Rad

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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Only lie about the future.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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