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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Building
Rad
Answers
Reproductive
Modern
Atomic
Hurt
Organs
Stop
Hockey
Stick
Sticks
Answer
More quotes by Johnny Carson
If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
