Quote

They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Stop
Hockey
Stick
Sticks
Answer
Building
Rad
Answers
Reproductive
Modern
Atomic
Hurt
Organs

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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Only lie about the future.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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