Quote

They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Sticks
Answer
Building
Rad
Answers
Reproductive
Modern
Atomic
Hurt
Organs
Stop
Hockey
Stick

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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