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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Something
Plutonium
Fuss
Disney
Named
Dangerous
Modern
Character
More quotes by Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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