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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Character
Something
Plutonium
Fuss
Disney
Named
Dangerous
Modern
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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