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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Plutonium
Fuss
Disney
Named
Dangerous
Modern
Character
Something
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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