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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Hold
Maybe
Games
Peace
Hope
Soviets
War
Olympic
Next
Afghanistan
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Only lie about the future.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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