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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Games
Peace
Hope
Soviets
War
Olympic
Next
Afghanistan
Pull
Hold
Maybe
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Johnny Carson
Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
Johnny Carson
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
Only lie about the future.
Johnny Carson
Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Johnny Carson
I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
Johnny Carson
May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
Johnny Carson
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
Johnny Carson
An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
