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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Pull
Hold
Maybe
Games
Peace
Hope
Soviets
War
Olympic
Next
Afghanistan
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
Johnny Carson
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
Johnny Carson
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson
Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Johnny Carson
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Johnny Carson
I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
Johnny Carson
Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
Johnny Carson
