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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Maybe
Games
Peace
Hope
Soviets
War
Olympic
Next
Afghanistan
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More quotes by Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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